let it happen naturally

marifullofgrace @ 2005-12-10T19:35:00

2005-12-11T00:48:58Z

I know no one is toing to read this. It's been a year since I've updated this thing. I'm surprised that I even remembered my password.

I'm sitting here at work...just having a ball.

I'm sad
it's time to go home. it's 7:36...and I feel like it's been 7:36 for hours. I can't wait until nine o'clock. Hell...I'll even be happy when it turns 7:37

to "you know who"... not that it matters.

I'm sorry...I...uh...don't like you. I really don't. I mean, you're nice and you're fun and passionate about things. and you're virginal...and that's...different. But I can't love you.
It's not you it's me. How trite is that? I would love to be with you...like...you know, watch a movie together every now and then. go out for coffee. haha. or stay in for coffee. But I really can't do it. we can't do it. there isn't any way. not right now. I don't understand. but really, it's not you, it's me. I promise, and I'm sorry...but i'm not...dateable. I guess I never will be. I'll push you away. I mean, isn't that what I'm doing right now? You deserve someone else. someone who will really appreciate you. someone not so two-faced and difficult. someone's who's not such a mess. I don't think geminis do well with tauruses anyway. we'd never work.
never.
but you are a really cool guy. I like you.
lets hang out, just so long as you don't hang on. love Mary

marifullofgrace @ 2004-11-03T21:07:00

2004-11-04T02:12:40Z

well...I haven't updated here in a while. Probably because I have a xanga that I've been using...school friends and such. Anyway. I'm updating now.
I wish there was someone I could say everything to. I mean every little feeling that came into even the outskirts of my mind. Kayla's the person who comes the closest.

But I guess that's unreasonable. You know, I think I would be more excited about my livejournal if it looked cooler. I think I'll work on that tonight.

happpy cammmper

2004-10-09T03:26:22Z

So...a little pep was added to my step tonight as we put on the first showing of Dearly Departed...in which I am Suzanne. The play went very well, and afterward I was permitted to go to China Star with the cast and the Ethertons. All in all, the evening went splendidly well...and as of this moment, 11:23pm...I am a happy camper. Off to shower and get all this makeup off me face. love love love love love

Seven things I have never done.

2004-08-07T05:26:03Z

Seven things I have never done:

1. Worn groinal underwear on my head.
2. Eaten an entire pint of Ben & Jerry's in one sitting
3. Had sex with someone while under the influence of marijuana
4. Finished a beer. I'm talking beer beer not like...malt beverages.
5. Really, seriously dated someone. like boyfriend girlfriend...unless you count middle school.
6. Shoplifted from the Dollar Store.
7. Gone to China.

marifullofgrace @ 2004-08-06T10:01:00

2004-08-06T14:03:50Z

I need to:

1. finish my summer assignment.
2. secure my position at montessouri.
3. get in touch with Luke Victor.
4. Do something with Tommy. He made me real happy last night at Tanner's. I need to talk to him. paint with him. be awesome with him.

marifullofgrace @ 2004-07-31T14:23:00

2004-07-31T18:41:49Z

Things that are amazingly good right now:

1. I saw my Kayla today. I ventured 2 hours to Danville today in a red van with the Alberts to see my best friend. I love her so much. And I missed her more than anything...and it's incredible that even though I haven't seen her in five weeks... I don't feel like we've skipped a beat. She's so amazing and wonderful and beautiful and I'm so, so, so happy she's back and I got to see her. Wow. wowwowowowwowow!

2. Last night was amazing. I did not get drunk or sleep with anyone. I was totally abstinent and celibate in all respects. Hell, I only smoked one cigarette in a period of like six hours. I saw Luke at Chevron earlier in the day. So I spent the evening with him...watching Mickey Blue Eyes on his couch. Then we took a drive around 12:30am and he bought me gas. Sigh. After I dropped him off at his house at 1:00...I drove off into the distance (down cranston) with the music blaring and screaming things like, "Fuckin' A!!!!!I'm SO FUCKIN' HAPPY!" at the top of my lungs. Then I tried to sneak in Emily's window but I couldn't get it open so I just went home.

3. I'm going to Ohio to see my FAMILY. I miss them all so much. And my cousin Kevin will have so much to tell me and we'll stay up all night and eat nachos and talk about sex, drugs, and rocknroll and then I'll go party with all the kids up there late into the night! Hooray!

EXCITEMENT.

marifullofgrace @ 2004-07-29T15:48:00

2004-07-29T19:49:52Z

I'm watching a show about Brooke Hogan. I can't figure out whether or not she really is Hulk Hogan's daughter.

colorblind

2004-07-29T17:38:38Z

I am Colorblind
coffee black and egg white
Pull me out from inside
I am ready
I am taffy stuck and tongue tied
Stutter shook and uptight
Pull me out from inside
I am ready
I am fine
I am covered in skin
No one gets to come in
pull me out from inside
I am folded and unfolded and unfolding
I am
Colorblind
coffee black and egg white
Pull me out from inside
I am ready
I am fine

damn.

marifullofgrace @ 2004-07-29T12:13:00

2004-07-29T16:19:42Z

Yesterday was nice. Em and I went to Lexington when we found out Tyler wasn't coming. We spent most of the day figuring out what roads merged into what other roads and trying to scrounge up enough money for gas out of my piggy bank...but we did go see John at the Paris Walmart. And I talked to Kelley on the phone but she was under house-arrest so we agreed to see each other some other time. : ( The 8th will be absolutely fabulous I'm sure.

So the latest is that the Paris Walmart is really tiny and creepy. We saw some of the most awesome people there. There was this guy who looked really gay but he was wearing...like...hunting/fishing/construction attire. We followed him around for a bit...because I felt inclined to. He had a funny butt.

Well, Tyler just called and said he was on his lunch break and he's going to be here in 30 minutes. Love that boy. Later then

marifullofgrace @ 2004-07-24T17:46:00

2004-07-24T21:47:08Z

I scored
57¾%
on the classic 400 Point Purity Test!

Take the test here!

right...

marifullofgrace @ 2004-07-24T15:52:00

2004-07-24T19:53:58Z

a note:

I am on the worst period of my life. I bled like hell the first day. The second day there was nothing. Third day was like a major leak in the Titanic and now...nothing...nada...silence. It's like nature thinks its april fools day.

Back to you...

2004-07-23T17:51:12Z

back to you
it always comes around
back to you
I tried to forget you
I tried to stay away
but it's too late
Over you
I'm never over
over you
there's something about you
its just the way you move
the way you move me
I'm so good at forgetting
I quit every game I play
but forgive me love
I can't turn and walk away...

marifullofgrace @ 2004-07-21T12:33:00

2004-07-21T16:33:45Z

I got a 3 on my AP English Exam.

shoot me right now.

marifullofgrace @ 2004-07-20T14:41:00

2004-07-20T18:44:13Z

So aparently...it's over.

Which is okay because of course there's time. And I know that I shouldn't have expected anything to come out of this...I just got excited.

Tanner and I went out to eat today. Ben and I are supposed to do something later. Mimmy works from 3-10 so I have to stop into DQ in about an hour or so. My life is just so damn eventful. Well, mum is yelling. yelling yelling yelling. As though our house is too large to walk through. Must go see what she wants.

Pathetically yours,
Mary.

marifullofgrace @ 2004-07-20T14:40:00

2004-07-20T18:41:31Z

Oh God, Yes. I will be seen naked...and end up with...Tommy.

I'm all set now.

marifullofgrace @ 2004-07-18T01:18:00

2004-07-18T05:31:36Z

Um.

Today I came back from Mimmy's at around 8:30, and then went back to bed until 2. Iamsuchalazybum. Then I cleaned out the Laundry room. I didn't know it was possible. But it happened. Gave the dog a bath. Stopped by the neighbors' house-warming party (they've lived in the house for what, 20 years?--But they just painted their living room and got new floors so they invited the neighborhood over to enjoy(?)) THEN, I drove over to Tyler's and got the purse I left in the backseat of the station wagon...and I cleaned out the honda. Oh my god. That car was NASTY. With dad's skoal and my cigarette butts and Annie's (horse) riding gear, all the potting soil and the dog hair...it took 3...yes...3 vacuuming sessions to get the thing looking decent. Then i hung an airfreshener on the mirror and went to Jaime's. Where we watched QAF for an hour with Blake, Tyler and Mimmy.

This is sad.

I have been to Dairy Queen every day for the past week and a half. Since Emily's worked there, I have become a regular at the DQ. I even know everybody's name. There's Janita, Beth, Brittany, and Scott who work the registers. And there's a new guy there that I don't know so well yet. Every day I walk in and say "Is Mimmy here?" and Beth or Brittany call back "Emily, Mary's here to see you!"
A new low...
today I was there three times.
THREE TIMES AT DQ.
There has to be a cure for people like me.

Okay bad news...sort of.

Tyler talked to Scott about me tonight and he sort of ended up saying he wasn't sure what he wanted to happen with me. He said something along the lines of "She always ends up making out with her best friends and then hating them." Which isn't necissarily true. It just happened with Ben. But you know...if that's what he was worried about I wonder why he waited until now to mention it.

This doesn't mean we can't work things out though.

I am going to stay optimistic about everything until I talk to him myself. Which I am going to do tomorrow. I am going to talk to him...myself.

shudder. Confrontation scares me like a mother.

marifullofgrace @ 2004-07-13T00:12:00

2004-07-13T04:27:38Z

ack.

The dog took a piss in my bed.

The following was pissed on

1. My matress
2. My sheets.
3. The pillow (just one)
4. My gray shirt.
5. My NEW blanket made in India.
6. That's all I think.

Wow. I'm pissed. Pun intended.

marifullofgrace @ 2004-07-11T18:24:00

2004-07-11T22:32:56Z

I'm home.

I'm glad to be home.

and my room is purple.

I had a great time in Maine though. I love Kyla so much and I hope that we'll always be friends. Last night Ben and Emily and Jaime came over...Ben left at 2 and the girls spent the night.

Jaime was talking about Andy last night and it made me want to kiss his brother.

ha,

I think i will...

Well, now I'm going over to Ariel's for dinner. Her mom made good vegetarian foodstuffs. mmmm

marifullofgrace @ 2004-07-04T05:53:00

2004-07-04T23:07:20Z

We just had dinner at a little picnic area. Now we're off to an amusement park somwhere and then the ocean. Ah, I love this maine air. Ha. ha. later then.

in Maine.

2004-07-02T00:42:42Z

I'm in Maine.

my ears are still popping from that damn flight out of atlanta. grrrr.

no cigarettes

I met a really interesting girl who's in rehab in Baton Rouge. Anyway, she was cool...we talked.

drugs, alcohol, the like...

some stream of conciousness on my life...

2004-07-01T05:12:29Z

It was all just a bunch of drunk boys.
Two of them passed out and Nich and Allan covered them up with rugs (?) so Nich's dad wouldn't see them if he decided to take a stroll up to the shed in the morning. I didn't really do much. Contributed to the corruption of Andrew Roe by lighting him a cigarette when he was already really drunk. He said he'd never smoked before in his life...so I thought I'd give him a little taste of what it was like. Ah well, waste of nicotine, really. I had to get rid of them though. I'm leaving tomorrow, and have vowed not to smoke whilst I'm at Kyla's.
I love Tyler Loy. He's the most beautiful boy I've ever seen in my life...and the greatest friend on the planet. I can't believe I don't have the hugest crush on him.
I picked Jaime up tonight around 10:30, and saw her mom's baby and we talked for awhile...which was cool. I miss her a lot. I miss the whole cast of Godspell really. I never see them anymore. For awhile we partied every night and we were all best friends, but now we don't even talk. I guess it's because everyone is on vacation or something. I guess it'll be a lot cooler with all of us once school starts back. Which reminds me I have like 19 summer assignments for AP English...which I haven't even started yet. I'm supposed to read the jungle, which is going to make me hurl.

Before I leave in the morning I have to...
1. Take a shower (I smell like marijuana...because after I made a bong for those boys I sat in Tyler's car with them while they smoked a bag of weed.)
2. Find somewhere to hide my vibrator (tear. I'm going to be without it for ten days...but that's okay)
3. Find somewhere to hide pretty much everything...apparently mom's going to get the floors put in while I'm gone, which will require the removal of everything in my room. For the most part, everything's pretty well stowed away...but there are some things between my matress that I need to do away with before I go.
4. Wrap the presents for Kyla. I can't wait to see that girl.
5. FINISH PACKING. God, I'm so slow.
6. Spray the car with Febreeze.

that's all.

I wrote a poem about Cowgill. The GSA building last year. It's sorta stupid.

I only wish I had carved my name in these walls
wish I could have taken a moment
to vandalize...
because in your eyes
I'm a ghost
no longer part of it all...
tasting bitterness in every breath
and envying the life that's all around me
down the halls
and in the stalls
every initial in these walls
moves and
breaths and
loves...
just like I loved you.

yeah.

Off to Maine in the morning then.

marifullofgrace @ 2004-06-26T16:59:00

2004-06-26T21:15:03Z

um.

for lack of more interesting news...

I'm going to paint my bedroom a dark reddish/purple-ish color...mother thinks that this among the first steps on my road to pothead-dom. Oh, the things she doesn't know.

So in order to paint my room (and for the floor guys to come and put in the wood...ahem) I have to clear my room of everything (objectionable and non). Which wouldn't be so bad except that if I don't do it to my mother's satisfaction by...um...lets see...Wednesday (?)...she's going to do it for me. Which would involve her sifting mercilessly through my things. Anyway, today while I was cleaning out some boxes in my room i found (amongst other things) two empty fifths of Tvarsky (i have no idea how to spell that)--several journals full of juicy secrets...some marijuana stems...notes from friends (which could prove fatal if read)...two or three home-made bongs (one I've never seen before in my life...), and a few empty boxes of cigarettes...

I can only begin to imagine...

how dead I would be.

Well back to the mines.

marifullofgrace @ 2004-06-26T01:20:00

2004-06-26T05:24:29Z

I'm so good at messing things up.

wow.

I should make a profession of it.

Mary O'Brien
"Confuser, Day-ruiner, General fuck-up your day-er"
[insert address here]
[insert telephone number here]
(insert clever slogan)
mlob@adelphia.net

marifullofgrace @ 2004-06-23T20:21:00

2004-06-24T00:32:15Z

so...

today i went on a walk with Caitlin and Nathan (her stepbrother) who is from St. Louis and who is cute...

but

He smokes more than I do.

and he's branded with scars because he used to be in a gang.

He was into masochism for awhile

and he's had a lot of unprotected sex

so i can't figure out if that means he's cool or not...because I'm really not into mutilation or STDs.

But then, on the other hand, he's really nice--and he says he hasn't done pills in almost two months.

If this turns into a non-committal relationship...you will all be able to say, (sarcastically, of course) "Wow, you really picked a winner, Mary!"

and it will be true.

marifullofgrace @ 2004-06-21T10:26:00

2004-06-21T14:28:48Z

Hello.

Mother has just informed me that she didn't think livejournal was a good idea...

"A journal is something very personal and I don't think you should be putting it on the internet for everyone to read..."

AAAAAAHHHHRRRRRRGGGGG!

I have to say...that although I love my parents dearly...I cannot wait until this time next year when I will be preparing for college.

Why am I not a year older?

Why?

Your LiveJournal Love Life
LJ Username
You are lusted after by:	diseased_ovary
You will be seen naked by:	jewishcarpenter
You will have casual sex with:	bright_jonah
You will be loved by:	optimiser
You will fall in love with:	diseased_ovary
You will end up with:	jewishcarpenter

This Quiz by butterkitty - Taken 50533 Times. </a>